I realize it’s the day before Christmas Eve when this blog post is published, so you may or may not read this one prior to your Christmas celebration. However, I do pray that this blog post helps you either this Christmas or for any gathering or holiday that you have in the future.
The reality is that when we get together with others, we are bound to have disagreements and it can be especially difficult when those disagreements are on the abortion issue.
I’m sure you’ve seen all the memes in the last few months. We just finished with a pretty huge and divisive presidential election, and some families have suffered from estrangements due to beliefs around politics. I have seen memes like “when my anti-maga family shows up at Thanksgiving” etc. or “Babe, keep it light at Thanksgiving dinner” and then it cuts to a video of Alex Jones. Some of those memes are pretty funny, especially to those of us who are passionate about what we believe in! We can relate to that a little bit. However, I bet every single one of us can think of one family member in particular, regardless of which side of the aisle they are on, who just cannot tolerate being in the same room as people who disagree with them.
I recently had a conversation with a woman who has also had an abortion, and she was telling me about a family member of hers that believes in abortion. This family member supports abortion and is very matter-of-fact about it. When she was telling me about it, she told me that she has such a hard time listening to it because she disagrees with what that person says, but doesn’t feel like she can say anything. “Does it make me a hypocrite?” She also struggles because she has an obvious reason why she is pro-life, as she grieves her child lost to abortion and has experienced the pain and trauma associated with the abortion. But, her abortion is a secret. She can’t just come out and say, “Well, I’m pro-life because I know what it’s like to suffer after an abortion.”
Honestly, I’m guessing a lot of you would rather run and hide than show up to Christmas and have to hear about the abortion issue. When your family doesn’t know about your story, it makes you feel like you have this scarlet letter A on your chest and you’re just waiting for everyone to find out what you’ve done.
I don’t want you to isolate and not go to Christmas celebrations. You do need to take care of your heart, and we do have a blog post about that which can give you some ideas on how to do this, but the last thing I want you to do is stay in your home and hide for fear of having to hear the political discussions. So, I have some tips for you on how to respond to the relatives you disagree with at your holiday celebrations:
Don’t engage in the conversation.
- If there’s a comment made, and things are getting heated, you do not have to engage. Consider writing your feelings out after they leave or when you are alone after celebrations have concluded. That way, you can express your feelings without having to take the brunt of your relative’s anger in the situation.
Don’t be afraid to stand up for your convictions.
- If your pro-choice relatives are talking about abortion, it’s ok for you to share your pro-life stance. You don’t have to tell them the whole story. You do not have to share about your abortion. Could you? Yes, but I would encourage you not to if you haven’t gone through healing yet. Your beliefs don’t make you a fraud because of something you’ve done in your past and it’s ok for you to stand up for the issue if you feel comfortable doing so.
Extend grace.
- You can extend grace without affirming something you disagree with. Ask yourself, “Why does this person think the way they do?” Then, remind yourself that they’re an image bearer. God also created them in His image. You can absolutely disagree with what is said, but extending grace feels so much better than sitting in the yuck of anger and disappointment.
As we go into the rest of the week, celebrating the birth of our Savior, I pray that you will feel His presence and experience joy despite any disagreements your relatives may bring to the festivities. I pray that you will be able to walk in the freedom and healing that Jesus so readily extends to you. As we celebrate the fact that God brought him into the world the way He did, so that we may have redemption and eternal life, I pray that you feel his peace.
XO, Brittany
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