Have you ever found yourself wondering, “Why do I feel this way after my abortion? Am I broken? Is this normal?” You’re not alone—these questions are some of the most common I hear as I walk alongside women through abortion healing.
Understanding the Landscape of Post-Abortion Emotions
Abortion is not just a medical procedure or a moment in time—it’s an emotional and spiritual reckoning. Whether the abortion happened yesterday, years ago, in your teens, or later in life, the emotional repercussions can resurface at any moment. Shame, confusion, grief, or anger can emerge in unexpected seasons of life.
If you’ve been told to “just move on” or that “you’ll feel fine in a few weeks,” and instead you experienced the opposite—feeling unstable, triggered, angry, sad, isolated—you’re not “broken.” You’re human. These responses are common, and they make sense. Recognizing them is the first step toward healing.
Five Common Emotions Women Face After Abortion
I want to walk through five of the most prevalent emotions I see in my coaching and in my work in the post-abortion ministry space. In each section, we’ll explore:
- What the emotion looks like in daily life
- Why it often arises
- Practical and spiritual ways to begin responding
Anger
What it looks like:
- Short fuse or outbursts that feel out of character.
- Irritability around small things.
- A sense that something within you is “on edge” and ready to snap.
Why.
When trauma—or even a major decision that goes against what we believed we’d do for ourselves—occurs, the body and spirit can go into a state of overload. Energy gets stored as unresolved pain, and “anger” becomes a release valve. On top of that, if the abortion was followed by rejection of your own grief or stories that you “should be fine by now,” resentment or rage can build.
How to begin responding:
- Label the feeling. Instead of “I’m just angry,” you might say, “I’m grieving, but it’s coming out as anger.” Naming it helps you reclaim agency over it.
- Ask: pain or protection? Sometimes anger is trying to protect you from vulnerability. Sometimes it’s a signal that something deeper—like grief or guilt—is unresolved.
- Find safe outlets. Journaling, physical movement (walking, running, stretching), or talking to a trusted listener—and especially someone trained in post-abortion emotional care—can help you process rather than suppress.
- Spiritual invitation. Bring your anger before God in honest prayer. Even crying out in frustration: God wants to hear it all, and He is big enough to hold your anger while inviting you into peace over time.
Sadness
What it looks like:
- Unexpected crying spells.
- A sense of emptiness or longing.
- Feeling “off”—like something should be different, but you can’t name it.
Why.
- Grief for a child you didn’t get to raise—even if the decision felt necessary at the time.
- Loss of an imagined future—not just motherhood, but the sense of identity, stability, or safety you thought might come with that journey.
- Hormone fluctuations, especially if the abortion occurred within a time when your body was still adapting hormonally, can intensify emotional amplification.
How to begin responding:
- Acknowledge the grief. Saying out loud or writing, “I miss what could have been”, is a valid and important step.
- Create space for sorrow. This might look like scheduled reflection time or a ritual—lighting a candle, writing a letter to yourself or the child you’re grieving, or sitting with a sad song and allowing tears.
- Connect with others. Grief shared is grief lightened. Whether in a support group or trusted circle, hearing “yes, I’ve felt that, too” can be healing.
- Biblical comfort. Scripture calls God close to the brokenhearted and those who mourn. You are allowed to mourn, to cry, and to bring your sadness to the Lord. And that is not weakness—it’s healing in process.
Fear
What it looks like:
- Fear of judgment from others, or fear that someone will find out your story.
- Anxiety about the future: Will I have trusting relationships? How will this affect future pregnancies or motherhood?
- Persistent “what-if” worries that you can’t shake.
Why.
When we carry secrets—or when we carry pain without resolution—we tend to fear consequences, whether real or imagined. There may be concern about punishment, about relational consequences, or about future reproductive health.
How to begin responding:
- Identify what’s factual vs. what’s imagined. Are you assuming everyone will reject you if they knew? Or is that one voice or fear speaking?
- Reach out for accountability and truth. Finding a trusted mentor, counselor, or group who knows your context and speaks truth with grace can dismantle fear over time.
- Feed truth. Verses like “there is no fear in love; perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18) become anchors as you remind your spirit of what is true, not what could be feared.
- Prayer and proactive surrender. Taking your anxious or fearful thoughts to God in prayer, and laying them down through surrender, can be transformative. It isn’t always instant, but it begins to shift the posture of fear toward peace.
Disgust (or Shame)
What it looks like:
- Self-lashing thoughts: “I’m a horrible person.” “How could I have done this?” “I’m unworthy of love.”
- Replaying the decision over and over in the mind, asking “what ifs” or “how could I have known better.”
- Avoiding reflection because it’s too painful.
Why.
This is one of the most common and deep-seated responses. The weight of regret and guilt, coupled with cultural and relational taboos around abortion, can snowball into shame, which often goes unspoken. Many women fear they don’t deserve grace or have lost their identity of worth.
How to begin responding:
- Differentiate guilt vs. shame. Guilt = I did something I regret. Shame = I am something bad. You can feel guilt without being defined by unending shame.
- Name and frame it. If you ever catch yourself thinking “I am unlovable”, pause. Ask: “Do I believe God can forgive me? Am I allowing the lie of shame to speak louder than truth?”
- Return to identity in Christ. You are not defined by your past decisions; you are a beloved daughter of God. Verses about forgiveness, redemption, and new creation can be spoken over you, meditated upon, and written out to counter shame-laced lies.
- Work with grace-filled counsel or community. A coach, counselor, or group that understands abortion recovery can bear witness to your pain and refuse to let you carry shame alone.
Loneliness and Isolation
What it looks like:
- Pulling away from family, friends, or support systems.
- Believing no one else understands, or that you’re the only one carrying these feelings.
- A sense of being stuck in a cycle, where isolation increases the weight of other emotions (sadness, shame, fear), and the more you isolate, the more intense those emotions become.
Why.
Shame and fear of judgment often push women into isolation as a defense mechanism. If someone doesn’t know your pain, they can’t wound you further—but that protection often comes at the cost of connection. Over time, loneliness can become a permanent state, and it deepens grief, anger, and shame rather than allowing healing pathways to open.
How to begin responding:
- Choose one safe person. This could be a counselor, coach, spiritual mentor, or trusted friend. Opening up to even one person begins to break the cycle of isolation.
- Join a community. Whether a structured support group, a virtual safe space, or an online forum of women on a similar journey, sharing your story (as you’re comfortable) can be incredibly healing.
- Make small steps. You don’t have to dive in overnight. Perhaps you start by reading a blog post, listening to a podcast episode, or attending a group meeting before sharing your own story in full.
- Anchor to belonging. Jesus pursued the lost, the hurting, and those on the margins. He invited community, accountability, and presence. You can begin to belong even in small ways—and that can shift everything over time.
What Next? A Path Toward Healing and Hope
So—you’ve recognized some of the emotions. Maybe one stands out. Maybe several feel familiar. What’s the next step?
1. You’re not broken—you’re processing something deeply human.
These emotions are signposts, not indictments. They show what needs care, and they show the path forward when addressed with truth, support, and grace.
2. Start naming what you feel and when it shows up.
You might journal:
- “Today I felt rage during the school pickup because I remembered a memory from my abortion day.”
When you begin to link triggers → emotions, you open the door to healing interventions.
3. Engage with trusted support, whether that’s individual coaching, a counselor, or a supportive group.
Healing often happens in relationship. If you’re wondering, “Where do these women go next?”—consider joining a space where other women have walked the journey and are choosing to keep walking together.
4. Invite God into the process.
Each emotion—even the painful ones—is a conversation waiting to happen between you and God.
- Pray honestly, even if that prayer begins: “God, I’m angry—what do you want me to do with this?”
- Use scripture as anchors. Perhaps write verses about forgiveness, identity, grief, and belonging and read them or meditate on them.
- Celebrate small wins: those days when you don’t feel triggered, those moments when you laugh or rest. Those are signs of movement toward healing.
How to Take the Next Step
If you resonate with anything here and wonder what next steps might look like, here are practical next steps:
- Reflect or journal on which of the five emotions feels most present for you today. Give yourself space to name it.
- Reach out to a trusted friend, counselor, or coach—ideally someone experienced in post-abortion emotional care.
- Join a community—whether a workshop, group, or safe online space—where you can be known and supported.
- Mark your calendar for the upcoming Abortion Recovery Workshop on September 9, where we will create a safe, Biblically grounded space to begin walking through some of these emotions and responses in community.
You are not alone in this.
This is not the end of your story.
Grace is available. Healing is possible. Hope is on the way.
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