If you’ve ever whispered the words “I just can’t forgive myself,” you’re not alone.
Many women I coach share this quiet, lingering pain. They’ve worked through the trauma, processed the loss, even forgiven the people involved… but when it comes to forgiving themselves, they feel stuck.
The guilt is heavy. The shame is loud. And the idea of self-forgiveness feels impossible.
But what if I told you something that might surprise you?
Forgiving yourself isn’t actually what God is asking you to do.
The Truth About Self-Forgiveness
Culture tells us that in order to heal, we have to “learn to forgive ourselves.” But here’s the thing: self-forgiveness is not a biblical concept.
There’s no verse in scripture that commands us to forgive ourselves. Why? Because we were never meant to carry that authority.
Forgiveness of sins—even our own—belongs to God alone.
Ephesians 2:8-9 says:
“For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.”
When we strive to forgive ourselves, we’re trying to do what only Christ could do on the cross. We’re trying to cancel our own debt, when in reality—it’s already been nailed to the cross.
Why It Still Hurts
So if God has forgiven you, why does the pain still linger?
Because guilt can morph into self-punishment. Without even realizing it, many of us stay in a cycle of rehearsing what we did wrong, hoping that eventually we’ll feel “forgiven enough” to move on.
But that’s not healing. That’s shame with a new label.
1 John 1:9 reminds us:
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
You don’t need to punish yourself to prove anything to God.
He already proved His love for you when Jesus took your place.
What To Do Instead
If “forgiving yourself” isn’t the answer, what is?
Let me offer two powerful truths that have helped me and the women I walk with:
1. Receive God’s Forgiveness Fully
Instead of focusing on forgiving yourself, focus on receiving the forgiveness that’s already been gifted to you.
Colossians 2:13–14 says:
“God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the charge of our legal indebtedness… he has taken it away, nailing it to the cross.”
You don’t need to write a new story—God already wrote one of redemption.
2. Renew Your Mind with Truth
When those old lies creep in—“I should have known better,” “I can’t believe I did that,” “I don’t deserve healing”—combat them with scripture.
You are forgiven, redeemed, and loved by the only One whose opinion matters.
Romans 8:1 says:
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.”
The more we immerse ourselves in God’s Word, the more our hearts align with His grace—not our guilt.
Healing After Abortion Starts with Truth
I know how hard this is. I’ve wrestled with it too. But friend, I promise you—you don’t have to carry the weight of forgiving yourself.
You were never meant to.
Let the cross be enough.
Let Jesus be enough.
Let grace do the healing your heart has been craving.
If you’re walking this journey and need someone to guide you through the hard places, I’d love to help. My 1:1 coaching program is a safe space for post-abortive Christian women who are ready to heal—with God at the center.
You don’t have to stay stuck in guilt.
Freedom is already yours in Christ. 🤍
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